I've got a theory

So it turns out I may have misspoke when I wrapped things up, this week saw a little more archaeology for me (well a lot of it in a short amount of time). I got called to help on a CRM gig up here in Wisconsin, which I'll be using to tell stories for the next few days I imagine.

However, before all that I'd like to tell you a little story, well maybe it's an anecdote.

Many people, upon finding out they're talking with an archaeologist, get interested and share their stories and experiences (often in the realm of "my grandpa found XYZ on his farm back on the day"). It is what it is, and I have no complaints about it.

However.

When you hear the phrase "I have a theory" escape their lips there are only two possibilities.

Possibility 1:

Be ready to be impressed, a truism is coming.

Possibility 2:

Be ready to swallow your tongue, the batshit insane is coming.

Yesterday, it was the second option that awaited me. So three of us (Katie, Seth, and I) stayed late at the local bar before heading home (we'd been excavating right out front there), and rather enjoyed ourselves. Driving through the town we were staying at (some 15 miles north) we decided to stop for some dinner. It all went well, the food was good enough, and we were ready to head out when our checks came and the waitress asked us if we were working on the highways project (we were covered in dirt still). It's an area of small towns, so everyone knows what's going on (even things we aren't allowed to talk about). She pinned us in conversation for what had to have been an hour, we couldn't leave...she had our checks! And she talked on and on...about how she was personal friends with Stephen Hawking, the great times she had at Star Trek conventions, etc. etc. She was a little braggy on those points, but still at the edge of toleration.

But, she has a theory.

We're all star seed. Aliens were responsible for all the things that were done in the past (pyramids, Rome, etc etc.) in her words "something had to be the spark of civilization," and something about how god had to have a backup plan so there have to be aliens out there (not sure what that really had to do with star seed). To be honest I don't remember all the examples and proof she had because I was looking very intently at the medical tape on my thumb and twitching, trying not to scream. I nodded a couple of times just wanting her to go. away. Seth at one point had had enough and he finally said something to the effect of "that kind of thinking just doesn't do service to how smart people are, and that they couldn't do those things." Anyhow, that didn't have much of an effect other than to slightly steer the conversation back towards racist anecdote this, Jews that, and on...and on...and on.

I wish I had a theory that people would get so excited about...you know, only uhm. True?

Fin

So, I'm back in Milwaukee after another more or less successful summer. I gathered (nearly) all the samples that I needed, there was one site however that just would not give up the goods. The site's subsoil wasn't clay (it was sand) and the surrounding area is so urbanized that it's hard to find tributary creeks that 1) exist and 2) aren't lined with concrete. I managed to get a few samples, but they're from the furthest reaches of my limit, so not likely to be of much use. Grr.

Oh, I realized I left out an important aspect of my summer, one that was reflected in "Tick Watch 09" but not illustrated here.

You may recall that I was assaulted by spiders last summer (I believe my field journal reflected my incapacitated nature due to the great spider assault of 08 or something). Well, those spiders apparently migrated after the incident (small wonder, I had disturbed their home). They moved to the woods in [redacted] County, just across from the [redacted] site, a little ways up the [redacted] creek. Hmm, that's a lot of [redacted]. It's still a top secret location, and I'm not really in a position to give away much in the way of details, but I encountered a very helpful landowner and I may be back out in the field briefly this fall to assist him at his property. Anyhow, back to [redacted]. I was tramping through the woods when I discovered all 50 of those goddamn spiders from last year. Rather, I discovered them with my body by flailing through their web, and saw them a few minutes later all over me.

Do you remember the movie Jumanji? Well, you may remember that at one point near the climax the group of intrepid heroes are attacked by cat sized spiders. They looked something like this:

Well, while not the same size, there were about a dozen spiders that looked exactly like this clinging to my body. I think I got away with only a bite or two, but between all the mosquito bites I got in Houston and the Poison Ivy marring my alabaster body it's hard to tell which damage can be attributed to which assailant.

Needless to say, covered with those spiders there was some 12 year old girl-like squealing, some flailing, and shuddering. In fact, I've got the heebie jeebies now just recalling it. I think I'll let this one go for now...

MIA

So I've been a little MIA, but these things happen.

So my summer is nearly completed, my collections (and funds) are about finished. Hopefully the former outlasts the latter, but I wouldn't hold my breath. There hasn't been anything terribly exciting to discuss (at least that I can discuss here. Uh-oh, that sounds like a teaser!). One more day of hard collecting ought to do it, and then I can be home (maybe even before the weekend, wouldn't that be nice?). It all depends on those last little details (returning equipment, double and triple checking coordinates, etc). It's been a productive summer, but a long one and I really am ready to go home...wherever that is...

I guess I'll put up my final tally on the Tick Watch 09. I managed to stumble into some really nasty poison ivy, and get it between my fingers...which just irritates it more and more and more. It's pretty icky to look at and infuriating to have.

A Hard Day's Day

Did you ever watch Dexter's Lab as a kid? Well if you did you're familiar with his phrase "Today is a fine day for science." If you're a bit of a nerd for the show you'll also remember the episode where nothing he does works out correctly and he concludes "Today was not a fine day for science." It's quite an entertaining episode.

Today was not a fine day for science after all.

To begin with, I snapped each of my bootlaces (one of them twice). I lost all my maps to a rogue breeze and then the creek before I'd even gathered one sample. Everywhere I looked was either hosed, a town, lacking clay, or the freaking Caesar Creek Dam (which is all sorts of disruption to the landscape). My primary GPS went down. I ran out of batteries for my backup.

And I just realized something really went wonky on one of my data collection trips (as well as some disagreements between my two GPS units). If what I recovered is correct (As near as I can reason out) I'm not in "good" shape, but at least I'm in "not totally fucked" shape. I guess I can redo some of this stuff from a land based survey and get back to where I thought I was (the problem is that I'm starting to run out of time...).

Grr.

Ancient Monuments of the Mississippi Valley

So, I'm finally getting around to reading Ancient Monuments of the Mississippie Valley (Squier and Davis 1848) "for realsies." For the uninitiated, this was the first book published by the Smithsonian, used to kick start American science being taken seriously by the world. It was an attempt at a systematic survey of the mound groups in the US (focusing on Ohio, the Mississippi river, some of the SE and the Upper Midwest). Prior to this I had been content with flipping through it, looking at the maps (and appreciating them as art, if not for their accuracy in description of the earthworks...since 150 year old techniques don't quite measure up and recent ground-truthing has shown the maps to be a little less than accurate at times). Sometimes I'd browse the articles, but if the maps are suspect, the writings are laughable in general.

However, if I take a step back from being concerned about little things like "reality" and "accuracy" and "out-right racism" it really is a remarkable work. Of course I'm just jealous that Squier and Davis were able to explore so much of Ohio before development had totally hosed the sites (although even in Ancient Monuments S&D lament "At the period when the original survey...twelve years ago, the lines could all be made out. A few years hence, the residents upon the spot [Newark, OH] will be compelled to resort to this map, to ascertain the character of the works which occupied the very ground upon which they stand").

The audacity to think that two men, even if they networked with some local enthusiasts, could within a period of 5 years survey the entirety of the Mississippi and Ohio rivers and their earthworks, as well as conduct enough excavations to satisfy their questions. Bold times my friends, bold times for bold men. What makes this audacity even more outrageous is that their work stood for fifty years before being challenged (and really is the only resource for many of these sites). Were it not for my inability to generate wealth, I'd say I was born 200 years too late, as I can only wish I were able to work on projects on that sort of scale. While I wouldn't want to give up my tools necessarily (carbon dating, all sorts of methodology, etc.), the opportunity...

Reading the book in that mindset I'm just boggled, baffled, amazed, and astounded. Not just at what they were trying (and failing) to do, but also what "used to be." Ah well, it was just too easy for them...they'd never make it a week out at Wildcat. That's where real men are made.

Oh well. We don't get to choose the times in which we live. Still, I really want to find these things poster sized and get them framed: (click for full size)

The Great Adventure

With a name like that, you know it's going to be a pretty sweet adventure, right? Unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, this will be a wall of text, with little to no photographic relief as my camera has failed me. I'll see what I can do to bring something extra to the mix though, there is one photo, but I hid it at the end to insure that you'd read this entire ordeal. A lot happened in the last two days, I'm running it through the editor in my head now trying to boil it down into a 1 entry piece (even though it probably deserves a 5 part HBO miniseries).

Wed. morning...things start out inauspiciously. I drop the canoe on my hand and cut open my thumb real good. It was raining. And there were these ODOT guys hanging out at the launch point (by the time we met, then set up my car at the base of the route and then got back up to the start point they were still there...2 hours later).

But soon we were on our way, and despite a slight drizzle things went well. Keep that slight drizzle in mind.

There was nothing we couldn't handle, I mean at this point we're pretty serious outdoorsmen. We already have one Miami river under our belts, what could it's "Little" cousin throw us that we couldn't handle? Actually? Nothing.

Clay sampling went smoothly, and we got some good stuff. Actually, we got our absolutely best looking sample (no loam, no sand, beautiful color, texture, etc.) from directly under Fort Ancient (which would put it ~ at the Anderson site, I think...maybe South Fort, there are like eighty sites crammed in there). It would be pretty cool if that proved a positive match to some of my samples. First, just just finding a positive match would be great. Second, that would put it in conjunction with a site from the Hopewell culture (~1500 years before Fort Ancient), which would have interesting implications potentially as well. Also, the Anderson focus, which my sites are a part of, are named for the Anderson site which is in this stretch of the river. It would just be very cool. If nothing else it shows why so many sites are in this area, and just one of the resources that were available in such abundance. Okay, archaeology theorizing over.

So, that night we'd made it some 13 miles into our trek...and it was time to set up camp for the night. Oh, remember that rain that started out the day? Well, it didn't stop all day but for a brief period around lunch (which was actually delicious and dryish). It started to get worse and we decided it would probably be a good time to find a place to pitch our tents.

So we pulled into a canoe ground I'd called the day before (who had said it was cool to just drop in, no reservation required). Some 15 year old prick (who we'd interrupted from playing a mean round of Guitar Hero) informed us that because it was raining they were closed. We explained that yes, we knew it was raining, which was why we would like to get out of the river and set up a camp. He, using small words (because of both our obvious stupidity and the fact that he was high as a kite) explained "but we're closed, it's raining." Ben resisted his urge to ask if there was an adult around we could talk to...but grumpily we realized there was no hope and took his vague directions of some other place a bit further down river. I never realized it would be so hard to give someone my money, not met anyone so unwilling to get paid.

So, as it starts to rain a little harder (though at this point we're drenched to the bone, water proof coats no longer water proof) we continue on a ways. Believe it or not, the little stoner actually had pointed us to a real place.

That was closed.

Grr.

The other option the guy had mentioned was getting a motel in town, which at this point was starting to sound pretty good (even if it turned out to be some flea ridden roach motel). So we decided to stash our canoe across the river (just so in the morning we wouldn't run into any of the livery people and fight over our canoe, and to keep our stuff safe...from thieves running around in the freezing rain). We started to hike into town (some unknown distance some unknown direction from here), we ran across an old codger who Ben politely asked direction to the nearest hotel. We were told "not in this town...nearest one is bout 9 miles away."

Goddamn stoner kid...expecting us to walk 9 miles...

But the man, paused a moment, and asked us if we'd tried the livery and campground just over there (he jabbed a finger over his shoulder). We explained we'd tried but the place was locked up tight, and neither of our cellphones got reception (mine had 4 bars but brazenly told me it was for emergency use only. Apparently my phone decided despite blue lips and constant shivering that this was not an emergency). He told us to wait, and called up the owner, who we were told would meet us back at the place (in ~10 minutes).

Twenty minutes later Ben and I were contemplating canoeing the remaining 10 miles to my car at the end of our run or finding some abandoned stretch of river to hide out in and set up an illicit camp. Ben was about a minute from never speaking to me again.

Then Mike came up and saved our lives. Mike, pulled up in his van told us to get in before we froze to death so we could talk over the options. He explained he didn't have any dry ground, but we said it didn't matter, just someplace to set up our tents. Mike immediately dismissed that idea and told us about his buddy who was just getting a Bed and Breakfast ready to open in the next week, and he'd take us there and he'd "work out a deal." So with only a little skepticism in our minds (at this point...yeah, lots of skepticism seeing how the day had turned out) we said we'd check it out (I think I was half expecting a roof with no walls or something).

It turns out that Mike was the Mayor of this town (Morrow, Ohio), and a really nice guy. His buddy, J.P. had set up a little ice cream shop and was opening the bed and breakfast next door. The Ice Cream shop was called Miranda's Ice Cream. With the new B&B it would be called "Miranda's Ice Cream (& suites)." Which is pretty clever I think.

J.P was a life saver. The place had just finished up and they'd set everything up just the other day for photographs. He's an incredibly nice guy, who let us be his first guests, though standing in this nice, new, clean, room dripping wet with rain and mud I felt like a real schmuck. He and his wife got some things in order (getting the coffee set up, the fridge plugged in (not that we used it) and filling the soap dispensers, taking the tags off the shower...like I said JUST finished renovating), and the Mayor ensured us a good deal, and we had the best night of camping set up (cable TV and everything!).

The man had a dryer he let us use, so our "canoeing clothes" weren't soaking wet in the morning (heaven!). The shower was hot (heaven!), and Ghost Hunters/Monster Quest were on TV (amazing). Ben and I ate dinner at the ice cream shop (they make a decent burger, although the girls working the counter (JPs daughters) were giggling the whole time. I guess it's not every day two scientists (at least one of them smoking hot) are saved from certain death by their father. Oh! I forgot the best part!

When Mike introduced us to JP he did by saying "Hey, these are two scientists working on the river, and they need a place to stay." That is the first time in my life I've ever been introduced as such (aside from a friend joking around), it was pretty darn cool. (Being cold and miserable we hadn't resorted to our usual dog and pony show of being vague about our real task...saying "I'm doing archaeology" just ends up opening a can of worms, so it's easier to say "I'm doing a soil survey" which is technically true, but no one is interested in so lets us go on without incident)

Anyhow, Miranda's Ice Cream, in Morrow, OH. If you're ever out that way check them out, I'm more than willing to give them a glowing review, and I'll definitely look them up next time I'm out that way in Ohio (it's a little town ("not quite Mayberry, but close") along the river and bike trail) .

Miranda's Ice Cream

Well, Mike, the Mayor, drove us back to our canoe in the morning and Ben and I were back on our way. He was a very nice guy, who gave us each a poncho (sort of as a joke reminding us to stay out of the rain like normal people do), some really helpful information, his cell number, and an offer to help us out with outfitting any future trips. He'll definitely be getting a copy of this when all is said and done (not that he'd be interested specifically in the finer workings of clay, but he did express gratitude that people were doing research and utilizing the river as a natural resource, and not something to exploit, he's proud that he and J.P. are the (unfortunately) only two guys in town doing the tourism/scenic river business).

I can't believe how lucky we got...a series of improbable events led us to having a really good evening, met some really nice and helpful people (who might even be contacts/partners/resources Ben and I can use in the area for any future work). One of the two of us owes lady luck some human sacrifices in the very near future. Probably me, but I kept telling Ben, he just has to stick with me, I'll take care of him.

Well the rest of the day went smooth as silk, we got our samples, had an easy day of paddling and got home nice and early. So, what does sampling along the Little Miami look like (in comparison to the sampling you saw along the Great Miami earlier?)

Something like this:


This is the only picture we got on this trip, it's just with my cell phone camera, so it's not that great. It had stopped raining today so we fished it out after I got up there since it seemed photo-worthy. It's hard to tell exactly but that's a 100 foot cliff if it's a foot. Okay, maybe 20 feet. Anyhow, so I'm clinging to the edge of this cliff when Ben takes this picture. Thirty seconds later the scree gives way and I was sent hurtling down the cliff face. I hugged the wall like they say you're supposed to in order to redistribute your weight...but I just ended up with dirt in my mouth, and my hands torn to hell.

The wost part is I didn't get the clay, it was another couple feet out of my reach when things collapsed. Oh well. That's your sweet archaeology in action shot for the day. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

Terrible News

My camera, loyal companion through thick and thin...

is no more.

It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. It is a late camera. It's a stiff. Bereft of life it rests in peace. Its electronic processes are of interest only to archaeologists. It's hopped the twig. It's shuffled off this mortal coil. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. It...is an ex-camera.

It is very sad, and I'm not looking forward to buying a new one (even though it wasn't terribly expensive, still...I'd rather keep the 90 bucks in my pocket, you know?)

In archaeological news today was "Thank goodness my father made me work construction with him" day. Backfill day. Bobcat day. Spent 4 hours tearing around the site returning the site (more or less) the way we found it. You know...except for the giant packed dirt areas it looks pretty much the same. I'd do a photo comparison, but ... my camera you see.

My hands still feel like they're vibrating.

Tomorrow Ben and I have a 2 day canoe trip down the Little Miami for clay gathering. Yes, in 14 short hours we'll hoist the jolly roger and terrorize those fair waters. Yarrrrr.